Dali

This year marks my twenty-sixth lap 
Around the whole sun
The words you are here on the map 
Of my existence reassure me 
Because there are times I didn’t want to be 
Where I’m from leaving the house means somebody somewhere will probably misgender me
Making me wonder what it really means to be the pink or blue balloon at a birthday party 
Much of my becoming comes from wanting 
To be somewhere else where the grass is greener 
Someone said the grass is greener where you water it 
I replied, sometimes the fall takes too long to come 
Sometimes seasons change in a day and in a minute I am 
Somewhere underwater 
Forgetting how to walk on it instead 
Some days there is bliss deep as the Atlantic 
I learned much of what we call happiness is in the smaller things:
A coffee with a friend, the sun on your face, your mother laughing, or the moment after finishing a really good book
I remember when it comes to not hold onto it 
That letting go means my hands are open 
To receiving more love, more light, and more 
Of everything good this world will offer me 
That sometimes the highest highs 
Come after a dip in the road 
Of where I’m going 
That getting there is less important 
Than the company I have in 
The passenger seat 
Before I leave this world, I want to feel
Everything there is to feel here 
Break my heart a dozen times 
Just to undo the breaking 
Because I know there is blessing 
In the wreckage and patience 
In the building 
I hope I find a way to quit smoking 
I hope the living gives me more 
Of a rush or helps me boost 
My mood on days I’m extra moody 
I hope I forget how to make talk small 
I hope I keep hoping things will 
Fall into place the way I do 
Every time I blow out the candles.