• Learning to Let Go, Again and Again

    I’ve been made redundant about a dozen times. I’ve walked out of offices disheartened and frustrated, with a mind packed with things left unsaid. Each time, I left behind something I’d built—a project I poured my efforts into, a relationship that once mattered, an experience that no longer had a place—and I stepped out a little lighter, a little emptier. I’ve been reduced to a footnote in more organizations than I care to remember.

    Redundancy convinces you that you are disposable, that your presence was convenient but ultimately unnecessary. It isn’t just about the loss of a paycheck or a schedule shuffle—it peels back your sense of worth, leaving you questioning everything you once believed about your adequacy and capabilities. 

    After a while, though, I began to see redundancy differently. It became a strange invitation to look closer at what I was building, and at the stories I’d told myself about what really mattered in a career. When the decision to let me go was made, I had to ask: What was left of me after leaving this place?

    Put simply, redundancy forced me to step into something far more important: my own story. It provided me with something I hadn’t expected—space. Space to pause, reflect, and really look at what I wanted: the career I had been too afraid to pursue and quietly forgotten while sitting behind a desk from the hours of nine to five, helping somebody else get to where they wanted to be. 

    The Space Between Jobs

    Ironically, even as redundancy removes you from one life, it opens the door to another. Each time I found myself without a job, I navigated the quiet space between endings and beginnings. In those spaces, I saw things I’d ignored before. The years spent building other people’s dreams. The parts of myself I’d buried beneath my “professional” persona.

    Redundancy taught me a lot about accepting change by forcing me to question the narratives I’d built around success, stability, and self-worth. I began to understand that my worth wasn’t defined by any title or company. My worth was something I could carry with me, something rooted in who I am, rather than where I worked or what I spent my time there doing. 

    In those spaces between, I learned to see redundancy not as an end but as an opportunity to realign with my values, to question what I genuinely wanted. I had to redefine success in a way that wasn’t tied to a title or an office but to the work I found meaningful, the relationships I valued, and the skills I wanted to nurture.

    Most importantly, redundancy forced me to sit at a table where nobody else’s opinion mattered. The bottom line? I found that what I really, really wanted to do was write. So, now, that’s precisely what I do. Not because it’s safe and expected, but because it’s the one thing that feels true to who I am. It feels less like a choice and more like the only thing that was always meant to be. 

  • My mother taught me

    There are some things women only learn in their kitchens / how to hold knives / how to slice with one, sharp cut / how to salt a dish playfully / and how to dance from the table to the fridge to the cutting board to the sink and dance right back just to rinse and repeat / pay more attention to your mother when she does it and you’ll learn things not even the greatest chefs can teach you / because its their secret 

    My mother taught me the art of making coffee / that you cannot rush the process / that you must pour water into a French press then wait some calculated seconds for it to bloom / then add more water and wait some more and it goes on and on and on…

    My mother taught me home is the place you carry like perfume carries memory / it is where you learn your favorite recipes / where you walk the streets blindly without needing directions 

    My mother taught me diaspora is lonely / it is forgetting to pray like your father taught you / it is calling your landline back home at three in the morning just to hear a familiar voice / comforting you in a language foreign to everybody else around you / it is translating and translating and translating till your native tongue feels strange / it is befriending loss because tickets to weddings and funerals cost too much / it is grieving what you remember and grieving what you forget / it is pretending this place could be enough / pretending you don’t notice the question behind the question: but where are you really from?

    My mother taught me home isn’t the place you come from or where you’re going / that it has been next to me from the very beginning / home is: everywhere she is and heaven is somewhere beneath her feet.

  • Just Before the Healing

    There will be days
    when I love you completely,
    when everything I say to you
    comes out sweet at honey,
    when I can’t stop telling you
    how much I hate being away,
    how much I’d rather be with you,
    have my arms around you
    while we cook together in your kitchen,
    or curl up in your bed on a cold, rainy afternoon,
    with a cup of tea, the cats nearby, and nothing else to do.

    There will be days
    when my heart splits open,
    like a pomegranate in your palms,
    when my bones ache for you around,
    when I cannot carry on my afternoon
    without hearing your voice on the phone first.

    There will be days
    when I fall for you repeatedly,
    minute after minute spent in your company,
    when I appear unannounced at your door,
    bearing a weight of love that
    exceeds all of your wildest expectations.

  • LOVE IS A FORTUNE COOKIE

    My fortune cookie told me
    love is the only true adventure
    and I understood then how I 
    never wanted to arrive anywhere 
    but the moment I met you. 

    I remember wanting to build
    a home there, when you called
    me for the first time. 

    I couldn’t sleep for days thinking
    this is probably what everybody else
    dreams of when they dream of love.
     
    I think love is everything you have
    offered me on a golden plate…

    It’s everything you had said
    to me without having to say it.

    Every ‘hello’ and ‘talk soon’ and ‘be good’
    and every bit of small talk we engage in often.

    Sometimes I spend weeks
    missing you in a single minute.

    The hours go so slow without you.

    You’re at dinner with your friends and
    I am still stuck on the morning coffee I shared with you. 

    Sometimes I wonder what it would be like
    to wake to you in bed, finding your things in
    the bathroom when I catch myself thinking
    I must be dreaming, and hearing your voice
    from inside our apartment calling my name. 

    My heart was so right about you.

    You’re the vacation I mentally check
    out to every time I need a little loving.

  • Jaded

    Jaded was my face before 

    you walked into our 

    favorite bakery. 

    I couldn’t ask the world 

    for more than to have you

    sitting across from me.  

    The cookies and tea 

    aren’t as sweet 

    as when you look at me.

    Months later, 

    I still wonder

    how I got so lucky.

    Honey, I can say in all honesty 

    that I haven’t loved any-

    body this tenderly.